Her words hung in the air between us and lingered in my mind long after the appointment ended. Not only had I never considered the practice, I was not even sure I knew how to proceed.

Let it unfold.

She said it was a common saying and practice in her culture, and she was perfectly comfortable sitting in the messy, difficult circumstances of life—not running ahead, not curating an outcome, or manipulating the playbook.

I am an Olympic-level avoider. When things are hard, I hide. When a situation even hints at being confrontational, I run in the opposite direction. I do not sit and wait for the “you know what” to hit the fan.

Instinctively, I want to problem solve, stave off, and bandage BEFORE things unravel. My personal comfort motivates me to act preemptively.

When I cannot learn from the textbook, I end up on the field trip. 2020 has been an exceptionally long field trip in learning how to let things unfold, sit in the mess, and wait. My eyes tell my body that things are not unfolding but disintegrating. This is why words from the ancient scriptures are a haven for my soul.

“Walk by faith, not by sight.”

Unfolding feels like a loss of control, but feelings can be deceiving. If I am guided by what I see, my feelings become the boss of me. If I choose to be led by faith, I shift my gaze from the temporal things of this world–including failures, strained finances, disappointments, transgressions, momentary victories, and success—to a spacious place that I don’t have to figure out. A place where I can just BE.

It is NOT up to me.

That is a gut check, deep exhale, and relief.

I am grateful for my counselor’s words which continue to echo in the fabric of my soul. I remain a student in the school of letting life unfold. It is hard, but I do not have to be afraid.

Here, in the chaos of what is unfolding, I can rest.

Alyssa ❤

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