Relationships are both work and reward. Without the work {which often consists of an unmatched level of vulnerability and humility}, the reward of growing deeper in love and compassion is often missed.

I have experienced a lot of “fringe-ships” over the years. I’m generally close enough to know just enough to feel like I’m known, but not quite close enough to reap the reward of true heart engagement.

Self-preservation was always the driver of my decisions. I believed drawing a circle of protection around myself was the answer, but the false protection birthed a strong sense of loneliness.

Over the past few years, I’ve been intentionally schlepping off the self-imposed constraints of self-preservation. I won’t lie, it’s not been easy. A few long-held beliefs made walking in true freedom tricky.

1. I didn’t believe anyone truly cared about me.

I’m not saying people weren’t loving and kind. They were. I’ve had the most darling people in my life, but something deeply rooted told me to question the love and concern of others. What I eventually realized was I wrestled with my own worthiness and projected it on to others.

2. Fear of experiencing hurt was greater than the reward of trying.

Complacency moved in subtly. Before long, I was a wallflower. Present in some of the sweetest seasons of life, but experiencing everything from the fringe.

When I finally drew a line in the sand, when I let the words of fear spill out of my mouth, things shifted. Brick by brick, I started removing the wall of protection I’d placed around my heart. With each step toward vulnerability, a new strength emerged.

As I began communicating my needs and letting people love me, loneliness lost its grip on me. Little by little, step by step, I saw the reward of working at relationships.

I don’t know if you are inclined toward self-preservation, or believing no one cares, but if you are experiencing “fringe-ships” of any kind-this is for you from a fellow sojourner.

Take a risk. If you are craving the reward of relationship, consider the work you might be avoiding.

Evaluate your efforts. Have you shared your needs with anyone? Have you gone inward in isolation when you need to reach into the life of a loved one?

Make a move. Let today be the day you step out of the constraints of your prison of protection. Invite someone into your story. Ask them to share a portion of their story.

No more settling for “fringe”-ships, it’s time to jump in and experience the reward of building community through relationships.

#momentoftruthmonday #fringeships #takearisk #workandreward #lifelessons