Ordinarily–I try to sit close to the front to optimize my attention and minimize my distraction. On occasion-due to tardiness, or a full house-I don’t have the benefit of sitting close. This past weekend, as I climbed the steps of the bleachers, I just knew I would miss the message because I’d be “busy” watching pedestrians en route to the bathroom…or crying babies…or hairdos…the possible distractions were endless.  But, what actually happened took my breath away.

As worship began, I zeroed in on a group of ladies I’d seen before. In my normal seat I have only an occassional view of where they sit in the sanctuary. This night though, I was gifted a bird’s-eye view. Immediately, I noticed that they worshipped with abandon. Picture a row of women fully engaged with the moment…standing when others are sitting, or raising expectant hands toward heaven, and passionately believing every word uttered in praise. Their body language spoke-with crescendo-of their belief.

An unexpected stirring in my spirit-a gut faith check of sorts-came over me. My eyes welled up with tears–I was moved by their faith…their worship with abandon. These women have a desperation for Jesus, for His saving and healing grace. They’ve seen hard times and most of them are clinging to the hope of Jesus for rehabilitation. Each one has tried everything to break the addiction-the patterns and habits of their “old” selves. Based strictly on observation, each one has a child-like faith and hope that Jesus can do what they have not been able to do on their own.

So my worship my faith was rattled as I peered into their heartfelt worship. All too often I’m in a thousand places, mentally and emotionally, during worship. But this night…if my attention is what Jesus wanted, He had it!  As sure as I am typing this now, I know the Lord was speaking to my heart. He was asking me if I believed…if my faith was bigger than my fear.  Deep within me, in the quiet secret places, I wrestle with doubt.  What I desire, honestly, is faith with abandon. I want my faith to be as natural and uninhibited as the women He set my gaze upon.

I’m reminded of a story, from the gospel of Mark, where Jesus heals a boy with an evil spirit.It’s not the miracle of healing that gets me in the story. It’s the conversation Jesus has with the boy’s father. In Mark 9:17, the father of the possessed boy tells Jesus that the disciples have not been able to drive out the demon…so Jesus asks the father to bring the boy to him. After seeing the condition of the boy, Jesus asks the father how long the boy had suffered. Listen to the father’s answer:

From childhood, he answered. It has often thrown him into the fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.

If you can? said Jesus. Everything is possible for him who believes.

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.

How many times have I approached my faith with the same doubt–“if” you can____________________ {fill in the blank}. If links itself to doubt; unbelief. In the scripture Jesus doesn’t rebuke the father–he responded with compassion. He adjusted the father’s perspective and we know this based on the father’s response, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief.” Sometimes I just need a perspective adjustment to bolster my faith…to breathe a fresh wind into my spirit…to lead me to confess the unbelief that has hindered my confidence in Jesus.

Looking back now, walking up the steps of the bleachers was just that…a perspective adjustment. From my view, He reminded me of how beautiful belief looks in worship. No matter our stories…no matter our struggles…He’s not looking for perfect, he’s looking for our belief.  And in the confession of our unbelief we encounter the full power of our faith.

That’s what I really want…to surrender my unbelief {day by day} and live with abandon.

    {photo credit: http://untci.org/}